I am one year older now. Again, like with any birthday. I feel no different. I wonder if there is a certain age you hit where you wake up the next day and you feel that old. You feel that age. I guess maybe if you're lucky enough to live to be really old, and you just die peacefully in your sleep. I guess maybe that moment is the one where you actually feel how old you are.
I'll let you know, when I make it there.
The start of my birthday actually started off with a decent day at work. Lots of laughter and "29? Really?!" conversation. The work day ended with amazing card from every one at work. It was signed by everybody, and not just simple signatures and "happy birthday" messages, many of them wrote some personalized tidings and that made me feel like a million bucks. I don't think I'll ever be able to move on from this company, or "the firm" as my boss and I have referred to it as. I don't want to ever move on from it. I think it's a perfect niche. Speaking of perfect. Friday night was also perfect. I had an amazing night with a pretty amazing guy, let's call him Dirty South, as I've been calling him that for weeks now any way.
He decided that we should do something/go somewhere neither one of us had been. That way the memory we make together is more special. (if that ain't the sweetest thing I ever heard...) So we went to Dead Acres AKA The Haunted Hoochie. Haunted house attractions, corn mazes, leaves changing, that eerie feeling that surrounds you at night, the cool breezes, these are the reasons that autumn is always welcome to come around for me. My favorite parts of fall. The haunted house is set off in what appears to be a farm. It's complete with barns, silos, split rail fencing, the whole nine. It's been voted number one haunted attraction on Yahoo and I think I read that it's been on Travel Channel. After looking at the website I was excited, but once I picked up Dirty South, I must admit I was super excited.
For some reason, that I haven't figured out yet, he makes me an idiot. I have a hard time formulating words at certain points when we're together...hell, even when we're on the phone. I am not only blown away by the excellent bone structure and body, shiny eyes, perfect mouth, and adorable accent, I am taken aback by the genuine personality, intelligence, courage, and humor that falls out this man. Any amount of time I spend just talking to him is something I look forward to, but any moment I get to spend with him is seriously a gift from the universe. So yeah... I'm Smitten with a capital S. I look forward to seeing what else we have in store for each other, and where our paths will lead us. I enjoy him very much. Just writing this lil paragraph actually makes me smile.
After a long late night out haunted housing and hanging out, I got home bright and early... 6 am. I had to turn around and wake up at 8-ish so that I could spend the day at the local amusement park with my friend, and also my aunt and cousin wound up coming too...saved us $12 for parking. Woot. Needless to say, I napped for about an hourish and woke up and spent an awesome day riding roller coasters, people watching and eating over priced pretzels and drinking expensive fountain coca-cola. I always spend my birthdays with my family, it's a tradition. My grandma has a little birthday party complete with cake and family. It's a very warm place to be, and it will forever make me feel like I'm turning 9 instead of 29. By 9 o clock though, I was wearing thin, and slap happy came into play. I got a ukulele for my birthday that I began to play like some sort of punk rock legend...out of tune and all.... I boxed with my teenage boy cousin...we boxed like the old timey boxers and then just wound up slapping each other like girls. I listened to my grandparents tell stories around a backyard campfire, and my uncle told some of his own. It was a great night.
By 10 pm, I was pretty much dead to the world. I could drift off without saying good night to Dirty South, so I did and that was it... my day was done. Boom. Out like a light. I slept for 11 hours! I don't think I even moved. Today, I'm just laying around reflecting, looking for a house, and re-budgeting. Yay.
That's birthday weekend update, and I'm Stephanie.
Deuces.
Showing posts with label life. Show all posts
Showing posts with label life. Show all posts
Sunday, October 9, 2011
Wednesday, October 5, 2011
War Is Hell And So Am I...
Ha. Wow. This is surprisingly comfortable. It's true my birthday is coming; it's in 3 days to be exact. I thought I would be a little down about it, considering this is the last birthday that I will have for my 20's. That's right this young girl face, is turning 29 years young on Saturday.
The more I think about it though, the more it just feels right.
I'm currently floating in uncharted waters emotionally, physically and mentally. I feel so much more whole than I felt last birthday and probably the birthday before that. I thought I knew what it felt like for my puzzle pieces to fall together. I thought I knew what it was like to not force them to fit together, to stop pounding down the edges to get it to look pretty and make sure all the corners lined up. I was wrong. I'm seeing that it's okay to be wrong, and it's okay to make mistakes, but all of this is only okay as long I learn from them. I think we are put in certain positions and situations in our lives so that we can learn lessons. I think that we are put through pain, so that we can understand pleasure. I think that we are put with people who show us the best and the worst in ourselves so that we can learn who we are, and we never stop learning who we are.
We are in constant metamorphosis.
A few weeks ago I had feelings of regret. It wasn't necessarily the person I regretted, it was who I was when I was with them. It was a time in my life when I wasn't the best me I could be. I hurt people. I hurt myself. I felt guilty. I felt resentment. I felt angry. I felt sad. I felt regret. As awful as it sounds, these were emotions and actions that I had to go through in order to grow. I had to allow myself to go back and close doors that were still open, and I had to go back and burn bridges that needed more than charred. I don't think I would change any of it, even with the hindsight that I'm experiencing now.
This stuff has made my heart feel free.
Sometimes my life seems serendipitous. I spent time alone, I spent some time getting to know me, and going through the emotions of getting over someone for the first time since I started having boyfriends. I feel free. That's all I can explain it as, I don't feel burdened. I don't feel like I need to make myself into something/someone else. And boom, I met someone. Granted, I've made the mistake before of getting waaaaay into someone before I should and just letting my heart do whatever it wants. That sort of thing has gotten me into trouble and has only really led me to get my heart-broken. In this situation, my brain is involved. I'm not looking for seriousness, but I would not be opposed if it happened. I kind of just want to see where life leads us. I can say for a fact that I genuinely enjoy talking to him, I look forward to it. He's smart, funny, philisophical, mechanical, and when he talks he's so excited about the things he's interested in. It's fucking engaging. I feel like when he talks, I'm just sitting there staring at him like a geek. Most likely, because I am. There is a ridiculous amount of chemistry between the two of us, in fact, it's nuclear holocaust. I fear that if we join forces, it will cause fallout. As far as I'm concerned, totally worth it.
I'm excited to see where life is going, rather than waiting for the bottom to drop out.
The more I think about it though, the more it just feels right.
I'm currently floating in uncharted waters emotionally, physically and mentally. I feel so much more whole than I felt last birthday and probably the birthday before that. I thought I knew what it felt like for my puzzle pieces to fall together. I thought I knew what it was like to not force them to fit together, to stop pounding down the edges to get it to look pretty and make sure all the corners lined up. I was wrong. I'm seeing that it's okay to be wrong, and it's okay to make mistakes, but all of this is only okay as long I learn from them. I think we are put in certain positions and situations in our lives so that we can learn lessons. I think that we are put through pain, so that we can understand pleasure. I think that we are put with people who show us the best and the worst in ourselves so that we can learn who we are, and we never stop learning who we are.
We are in constant metamorphosis.
A few weeks ago I had feelings of regret. It wasn't necessarily the person I regretted, it was who I was when I was with them. It was a time in my life when I wasn't the best me I could be. I hurt people. I hurt myself. I felt guilty. I felt resentment. I felt angry. I felt sad. I felt regret. As awful as it sounds, these were emotions and actions that I had to go through in order to grow. I had to allow myself to go back and close doors that were still open, and I had to go back and burn bridges that needed more than charred. I don't think I would change any of it, even with the hindsight that I'm experiencing now.
This stuff has made my heart feel free.
Sometimes my life seems serendipitous. I spent time alone, I spent some time getting to know me, and going through the emotions of getting over someone for the first time since I started having boyfriends. I feel free. That's all I can explain it as, I don't feel burdened. I don't feel like I need to make myself into something/someone else. And boom, I met someone. Granted, I've made the mistake before of getting waaaaay into someone before I should and just letting my heart do whatever it wants. That sort of thing has gotten me into trouble and has only really led me to get my heart-broken. In this situation, my brain is involved. I'm not looking for seriousness, but I would not be opposed if it happened. I kind of just want to see where life leads us. I can say for a fact that I genuinely enjoy talking to him, I look forward to it. He's smart, funny, philisophical, mechanical, and when he talks he's so excited about the things he's interested in. It's fucking engaging. I feel like when he talks, I'm just sitting there staring at him like a geek. Most likely, because I am. There is a ridiculous amount of chemistry between the two of us, in fact, it's nuclear holocaust. I fear that if we join forces, it will cause fallout. As far as I'm concerned, totally worth it.
I'm excited to see where life is going, rather than waiting for the bottom to drop out.
Sunday, October 2, 2011
First Dates or How I Became A Fan Of The Confederacy...
*the names have been changed to protect the ridiculously good-looking.
So I had a date Friday night. Yes, I just actually admitted I had a date. This in itself is a big step, as I'm always the girl who says, "It's not a date you guys! We're just friends!" But this was a date. Mutual interest. Mutual attraction. Mutual want for something better than we have now, and what we've gotten in the past. Yep, a date. Now normally, I'm not one to get nervous over such things as dudes but the anticipation of meeting this one made me ridiculously nervous. I think I probably burned 4500 calories in just leg-shaking all day on Friday, bit off every nail on my fingers, and compulsively checked my face for pop-up breakouts. Nerves. Nerves. Nerves.After getting home from work and just sitting around and calming myself... my nerves subsided and I was ready. Ridiculous excited..but ready.
It's been a while since I've had any real interest in anyone. I had the break-up the very end of January, the mistake turned disaster at the end of March up until sometime in May, then the re-try at the end of June. That really gave me closure on something I always thought would be an open door. But I closed it. It hurt, I hated it, and I cried for a while about it, but I needed to close it. I was holding myself back from ever finding someone who can truly put me first, and I can finally give my heart to somebody who knows what to do with it. It can finally be on the level, and on the equal.
Needless to say at this point, I had an interest in this boy. But now that I've met "Dirty South" I have put a cape on that interest and called it SUPER interest. Now, he was already in the positives on the point scale before he got there but him driving 2 hours to pick me up for this date basically put him way out of range from dipping into the low side of that scale. Everyone who knows me personally, knows that act in itself speaks very loudly to me. Anyway, he jumped out of the car and kissed me right on the mouth... he did warn me of this before he even got there, but I just took it as all talk... nope..he made good on that threat. As far as I'm concerned, he can continue to threaten me. Haha. We went for dinner, talked and talked, and talked, made out, and talked, and talked, made out again, and talked, and made out, talked and talked and then made out again.. and talked for I think like 3 hours, but it didn't feel that long at all. Felt like 3 minutes. God, even in just writing a blog about it I'm having trouble formulating words... apparently, he makes me stupid.
I can't drag this out any longer, lemme just end it by saying I had the best time, and I'm hoping for many more dates in the future.If potential had a region it would be the Dirty South.
So I had a date Friday night. Yes, I just actually admitted I had a date. This in itself is a big step, as I'm always the girl who says, "It's not a date you guys! We're just friends!" But this was a date. Mutual interest. Mutual attraction. Mutual want for something better than we have now, and what we've gotten in the past. Yep, a date. Now normally, I'm not one to get nervous over such things as dudes but the anticipation of meeting this one made me ridiculously nervous. I think I probably burned 4500 calories in just leg-shaking all day on Friday, bit off every nail on my fingers, and compulsively checked my face for pop-up breakouts. Nerves. Nerves. Nerves.After getting home from work and just sitting around and calming myself... my nerves subsided and I was ready. Ridiculous excited..but ready.
It's been a while since I've had any real interest in anyone. I had the break-up the very end of January, the mistake turned disaster at the end of March up until sometime in May, then the re-try at the end of June. That really gave me closure on something I always thought would be an open door. But I closed it. It hurt, I hated it, and I cried for a while about it, but I needed to close it. I was holding myself back from ever finding someone who can truly put me first, and I can finally give my heart to somebody who knows what to do with it. It can finally be on the level, and on the equal.
Needless to say at this point, I had an interest in this boy. But now that I've met "Dirty South" I have put a cape on that interest and called it SUPER interest. Now, he was already in the positives on the point scale before he got there but him driving 2 hours to pick me up for this date basically put him way out of range from dipping into the low side of that scale. Everyone who knows me personally, knows that act in itself speaks very loudly to me. Anyway, he jumped out of the car and kissed me right on the mouth... he did warn me of this before he even got there, but I just took it as all talk... nope..he made good on that threat. As far as I'm concerned, he can continue to threaten me. Haha. We went for dinner, talked and talked, and talked, made out, and talked, and talked, made out again, and talked, and made out, talked and talked and then made out again.. and talked for I think like 3 hours, but it didn't feel that long at all. Felt like 3 minutes. God, even in just writing a blog about it I'm having trouble formulating words... apparently, he makes me stupid.
I can't drag this out any longer, lemme just end it by saying I had the best time, and I'm hoping for many more dates in the future.If potential had a region it would be the Dirty South.
Friday, April 17, 2009
Discovering Me: Day 9,688
So today is the day I decided to become part of the "blogger" world. No need to welcome me, I should've done this long ago. For some reason today I awoke with a little extra hop in my giddy up, and I'm trying to look at the world like a new and exciting place, kind of like a baby but less drool. The reason for this "awakening" is well overdue, much like many things in my life I'm discovering.
I lost my job, like many Americans, on January 23rd of this year and have had very little luck finding my new niche. I have no college degree (though I am in the process of obtaining one) and no real direction to move in yet. These things make searching for the right employer difficult, and also make me a bit on the depressed side. I've come to the conclusion that after being out on my own as an adult for some time, I'm going to have to break my lease and move back in with Mom and Dad until I get things put back together. However, I haven't attempted to make the leap of telling my apartment that cold fact yet. A part of me still wants to hang on to some hope that one of those jobs I've interviewed for will call.
Lately I've just been wallowing in self-pity and not really feeling like myself. Generally, I'm a laid back, no worries kinda gal. Losing your job sort of takes a toll on you emotionally though, especially when it's the first time you've lost your paycheck just as it's become really important, your adult life which is mixed and melted with apartment rent, car payments, utility bills and that massive credit card debt you racked up buying a bunch of material, stupid things. I sincerely wish money was of no importance. But, then again, I'd hate to go back to the caveman days where we used our teeth as currency...some of us would be very poor indeed.
Before I get a plethora of questions or you get that confused look stuck on your face, the name of my blog "Read By Morgan Freeman" is really just a fantasy of mine. Have you heard the man talk? Couldn't you just listen to him read you "Green Eggs and Ham" over and over again...I could, it would never get old. Plus a black man with freckles is quite endearing, don't you think?
Until another day.
I lost my job, like many Americans, on January 23rd of this year and have had very little luck finding my new niche. I have no college degree (though I am in the process of obtaining one) and no real direction to move in yet. These things make searching for the right employer difficult, and also make me a bit on the depressed side. I've come to the conclusion that after being out on my own as an adult for some time, I'm going to have to break my lease and move back in with Mom and Dad until I get things put back together. However, I haven't attempted to make the leap of telling my apartment that cold fact yet. A part of me still wants to hang on to some hope that one of those jobs I've interviewed for will call.
Lately I've just been wallowing in self-pity and not really feeling like myself. Generally, I'm a laid back, no worries kinda gal. Losing your job sort of takes a toll on you emotionally though, especially when it's the first time you've lost your paycheck just as it's become really important, your adult life which is mixed and melted with apartment rent, car payments, utility bills and that massive credit card debt you racked up buying a bunch of material, stupid things. I sincerely wish money was of no importance. But, then again, I'd hate to go back to the caveman days where we used our teeth as currency...some of us would be very poor indeed.
Before I get a plethora of questions or you get that confused look stuck on your face, the name of my blog "Read By Morgan Freeman" is really just a fantasy of mine. Have you heard the man talk? Couldn't you just listen to him read you "Green Eggs and Ham" over and over again...I could, it would never get old. Plus a black man with freckles is quite endearing, don't you think?
Until another day.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)