Must Be Your Skin I'm Sinking In...

Dear Heart,

It's been a while since we formally checked in. We've just been passing in the halls and giving generic waves and 'sups to each other as we stroll by. This week has been a little different, we've had some late night conversations while Stephanie's been sleeping and a couple early morning ones while she's driving and not really awake enough to realize that we're communicating. Heh. That's always fun.
Anyway, I just want to say that I've had some time to sit and think about what you felt the other night when you said you were scared. I totally get it. Gosh, we've been so out of sync for so long that it's like meeting again for the first time. But I swear we make an awesome team.

-You keep feeling scared.
- I'll keep telling you that you're being stupid and chill out.
-You keep falling deeper.
-I'll make sure we stay with our feet on the ground. 

I know you know this and I'm not going to continue to beat a dead horse, but you need to remember to slow it down. You're still on that 3rd set of training wheels and while your boo-boos are healed, you still gotta fear that bicycle a little bit. His heart has some things he needs to heal from as well. You know what they are, you were just there a few months ago.

We made a conscious decision together, to get involved in this. I think if we can stick it out through this healing period, and wait for the creases to be ironed out that this guy could be worth all the bullshit that you've put yourself through.

I know what did smacked you. We spent the night. When the morning came we found ourselves in his arms, with his nose in our hair. And at that moment, we both said, "This is perfect." We shared the same thought, the same idea, and we both knew it. It echoed throughout her insides. Let's face it, it's good to see her really smile again.

Partners in crime forever and always,
The Brain

Your Brain Melts My Butter

We discussed the industrialization of the U.S and when you said "manifest destiny" I must admit, I think one of my ovaries exploded.

I Just Keep Seeing You Seeing Me...

I can't believe it's really only Wednesday. Well, it's about to be Thursday in about fifteen minutes, or roughly the time I get this blog completed. Regardless, it should be later in the week, like say.... FRIDAY?

I hope no cops read this because I'm about to confess an illegal activity:
I've been driving around with an expired license for 4 days.
So I've decided I'm going to go down on Friday, and take care of that. I feel like I can really only press my luck until payday. Seems only fair.

In exploring these new emotions I'm having recently, I've discovered that not only do I have a new perspective in which I'm seeing everything; I've also gained some new insecurities that I'm not proud of and that have proven kind of difficult to beat down. Don't get me wrong, I still feel great. It's as if everything I ever felt before has been enhanced some how. I guess even the air smells different. Like dead leaves really. But let's get poetic and metaphorical. We can say those dead leaves represent things I left behind, and pieces of a skin I finally shed completely. Yes, I'm now a snake.

I've discovered that I've got a pretty dark fear of being left behind, of being forgotten, of being ignored. Because of this, I continue to try and keep Dirty South within an arm's distance. Emotionally, anyway. He seems incredibly incredible. I'm pretty sure he thinks I'm awesomely awesome. He calls me "darlin", "pumpkin", "sweetheart", "baby", and the anatomically improbably but adorably endearing "bee's knees" all in this devilishly sexy southern accent. Damn you Rhett Butler. He's also smart, funny, strong, courageous, and with just a touch of vulnerability that draws me in like the soft glow of something shiny. Did I mention is so easy on the eyes that sometimes I just find myself staring at him and the teeniest bit of drool creeps out of the corner of my mouth? Because yeah...that happens. It's a fact. I'm a smitten kitten. But there's still that next level that is waiting to be unlocked. And I could fall.

I could fall really hard. I've learned that in order to fall, you have to be okay with skinning your knees, or possibly obtaining some sort of broken bone or brain injury. I've slowly moved from traction, to wheel chair, to crutches, to ace bandages, to band-aids. Now I've taken the band-aids off but there are certain areas that are still a bit scabby and I'm trying not to pick them even though it itches. When I take the next few steps in this journey, it's going to decide a few things:
1. "Seeing each other" will be kicked up a notch. Or to use a kitchen reference, the burner is going to be turned up on our kettle.
2. I'm going to get way more emotionally invested, which means living a fair distance away will suck even harder. I'll have to be ready for lonelier nights.
3. I'm ready to accept what lies ahead be it good, bad, ugly, awesome, terrible, stupid, what have you. That's kind of a big deal.

 Perhaps I should wear a helmet?
---Naaaah. Nobody looks cool in a helmet.


 I've only been 29 for 4 days, and I got to say (like I say every year) this will be my year.

Prettier, Older, Wiser and I Want Some Chips...

I am one year older now. Again, like with any birthday. I feel no different. I wonder if there is a certain age you hit where you wake up the next day and you feel that old. You feel that age. I guess maybe if you're lucky enough to live to be really old, and you just die peacefully in your sleep. I guess maybe that moment is the one where you actually feel how old you are.

I'll let you know, when I make it there.

The start of my birthday actually started off with a decent day at work. Lots of laughter and "29? Really?!" conversation. The work day ended with amazing card from every one at work. It was signed by everybody, and not just simple signatures and "happy birthday" messages, many of them wrote some personalized tidings and that made me feel like a million bucks. I don't think I'll ever be able to move on from this company, or "the firm" as my boss and I have referred to it as. I don't want to ever move on from it. I think it's a perfect niche. Speaking of perfect. Friday night was also perfect. I had an amazing night with a pretty amazing guy, let's call him Dirty South, as I've been calling him that for weeks now any way.

He decided that we should do something/go somewhere neither one of us had been. That way the memory we make together is more special. (if that ain't the sweetest thing I ever heard...) So we went to Dead Acres AKA The Haunted Hoochie. Haunted house attractions, corn mazes, leaves changing, that eerie feeling that surrounds you at night, the cool breezes, these are the reasons that autumn is always welcome to come around for me. My favorite parts of fall. The haunted house is set off in what appears to be a farm. It's complete with barns, silos, split rail fencing, the whole nine. It's been voted number one haunted attraction on Yahoo and I think I read that it's been on Travel Channel. After looking at the website I was excited, but once I picked up Dirty South, I must admit I was super excited.

For some reason, that I haven't figured out yet, he makes me an idiot. I have a hard time formulating words at certain points when we're together...hell, even when we're on the phone. I am not only blown away by the excellent bone structure and body, shiny eyes, perfect mouth, and adorable accent, I am taken aback by the genuine personality, intelligence, courage, and humor that falls out this man. Any amount of time I spend just talking to him is something I look forward to, but any moment I get to spend with him is seriously a gift from the universe. So yeah... I'm Smitten with a capital S. I look forward to seeing what else we have in store for each other, and where our paths will lead us. I enjoy him very much. Just writing this lil paragraph actually makes me smile.

After a long late night out haunted housing and hanging out, I got home bright and early... 6 am. I had to turn around and wake up at 8-ish so that I could spend the day at the local amusement park with my friend, and also my aunt and cousin wound up coming too...saved us $12 for parking. Woot. Needless to say, I napped for about an hourish and woke up and spent an awesome day riding roller coasters, people watching and eating over priced pretzels and drinking expensive fountain coca-cola. I always spend my birthdays with my family, it's a tradition. My grandma has a little birthday party complete with cake and family. It's a very warm place to be, and it will forever make me feel like I'm turning 9 instead of 29. By 9 o clock though, I was wearing thin, and slap happy came into play. I got a ukulele for my birthday that I began to play like some sort of punk rock legend...out of tune and all.... I boxed with my teenage boy cousin...we boxed like the old timey boxers and then just wound up slapping each other like girls. I listened to my grandparents tell stories around a backyard campfire, and my uncle told some of his own. It was a great night.

By 10 pm, I was pretty much dead to the world. I could drift off without saying good night to Dirty South, so I did and that was it... my day was done. Boom. Out like a light. I slept for 11 hours! I don't think I even moved. Today, I'm just laying around reflecting, looking for a house, and re-budgeting. Yay.

That's birthday weekend update, and I'm Stephanie.
Deuces.