Today Is The Day...

Dear Abel,

You are three and a half, and today is the day I get to meet you for the first time. Today is the first day of a week long visit with your Dad and I. 

I've been nervous for weeks. Today, I'm not nervous or anxious, but I am a flood of emotion since your dad left to get you. 

I've known you since before you ever felt the sun on your face. Still, I don't know if you know me, or know of me, or who I am to your dad, to you. Maybe, that doesn't matter because you will know me soon. 

It's funny, I have had instant love for you since I saw your newborn photo. You will always be the first thing I loved without knowing anything about you. 

I knew that your Dad was my other half then. I knew no matter what happened between us romantically, that I would always know him & would always know you. From that moment forward, I loved you like you were my own child; you are just as much a part of me as your Dad is. 

The circumstances are not ideal, and they have taught me patience, selflessness and perseverance. You are worth every sleepless night, every argument, every penny spent and every deep breath we took to keep the peace. 

I am so overcome with joy, relief and excitement for this day. I'm so thankful to your mommy for allowing this visit. 

Today is the day. 

Today is just the first day and I can't wait. 

Always. 

-Stephanie

Must Be Your Skin I'm Sinking In...

Dear Heart,

It's been a while since we formally checked in. We've just been passing in the halls and giving generic waves and 'sups to each other as we stroll by. This week has been a little different, we've had some late night conversations while Stephanie's been sleeping and a couple early morning ones while she's driving and not really awake enough to realize that we're communicating. Heh. That's always fun.
Anyway, I just want to say that I've had some time to sit and think about what you felt the other night when you said you were scared. I totally get it. Gosh, we've been so out of sync for so long that it's like meeting again for the first time. But I swear we make an awesome team.

-You keep feeling scared.
- I'll keep telling you that you're being stupid and chill out.
-You keep falling deeper.
-I'll make sure we stay with our feet on the ground. 

I know you know this and I'm not going to continue to beat a dead horse, but you need to remember to slow it down. You're still on that 3rd set of training wheels and while your boo-boos are healed, you still gotta fear that bicycle a little bit. His heart has some things he needs to heal from as well. You know what they are, you were just there a few months ago.

We made a conscious decision together, to get involved in this. I think if we can stick it out through this healing period, and wait for the creases to be ironed out that this guy could be worth all the bullshit that you've put yourself through.

I know what did smacked you. We spent the night. When the morning came we found ourselves in his arms, with his nose in our hair. And at that moment, we both said, "This is perfect." We shared the same thought, the same idea, and we both knew it. It echoed throughout her insides. Let's face it, it's good to see her really smile again.

Partners in crime forever and always,
The Brain