War Is Hell And So Am I...

Ha. Wow. This is surprisingly comfortable. It's true my birthday is coming; it's in 3 days to be exact. I thought I would be a little down about it, considering this is the last birthday that I will have for my 20's. That's right this young girl face, is turning 29 years young on Saturday.

The more I think about it though, the more it just feels right.

I'm currently floating in uncharted waters emotionally, physically and mentally. I feel so much more whole than I felt last birthday and probably the birthday before that. I thought I knew what it felt like for my puzzle pieces to fall together. I thought I knew what it was like to not force them to fit together, to stop pounding down the edges to get it to look pretty and make sure all the corners lined up. I was wrong. I'm seeing that it's okay to be wrong, and it's okay to make mistakes, but all of this is only okay as long I learn from them. I think we are put in certain positions and situations in our lives so that we can learn lessons. I think that we are put through pain, so that we can understand pleasure. I think that we are put with people who show us the best and the worst in ourselves so that we can learn who we are, and we never stop learning who we are.

We are in constant metamorphosis.

A few weeks ago I had feelings of regret. It wasn't necessarily the person I regretted, it was who I was when I was with them. It was a time in my life when I wasn't the best me I could be. I hurt people. I hurt myself. I felt guilty. I felt resentment. I felt angry. I felt sad. I felt regret. As awful as it sounds, these were emotions and actions that I had to go through in order to grow. I had to allow myself to go back and close doors that were still open, and I had to go back and burn bridges that needed more than charred. I don't think I would change any of it, even with the hindsight that I'm experiencing now.

This stuff has made my heart feel free.

Sometimes my life seems serendipitous. I spent time alone, I spent some time getting to know me, and going through the emotions of getting over someone for the first time since I started having boyfriends. I feel free. That's all I can explain it as, I don't feel burdened. I don't feel like I need to make myself into something/someone else. And boom, I met someone. Granted, I've made the mistake before of getting waaaaay into someone before I should and just letting my heart do whatever it wants. That sort of thing has gotten me into trouble and has only really led me to get my heart-broken. In this situation, my brain is involved. I'm not looking for seriousness, but I would not be opposed if it happened. I kind of just want to see where life leads us. I can say for a fact that I genuinely enjoy talking to him, I look forward to it. He's smart, funny, philisophical, mechanical, and when he talks he's so excited about the things he's interested in. It's fucking engaging. I feel like when he talks, I'm just sitting there staring at him like a geek. Most likely, because I am. There is a ridiculous amount of chemistry between the two of us, in fact, it's nuclear holocaust. I fear that if we join forces, it will cause fallout. As far as I'm concerned, totally worth it.


I'm excited to see where life is going, rather than waiting for the bottom to drop out.

I Love You Blogger, Let's Start Over...

Ok so Tumblr is getting on my nerves. You log on and think one of your profound blogs has gotten "liked" or "reblogged" 90 times and then it turns out it's a sex spam thing that just wants you to click on it, and make others click on it. Frankly my dear, I'm over it.
 Unfortunately, I've not kept my Blogger updated with the happenings of my life because of my recent addiction to Tumblr.  So what I'd like to do today, so provide links here to keep you updated on the goings-on. Because much has happened since June. Sad times, heartache, fun times, stupid times, good times, rants and raves and perhaps something awesome on the horizon. Here is the link to my archive on Tumblr, I've probably made over 500 posts since June...so have fun with that:
http://ewoknwoll.tumblr.com/archive

If possible I'm going to just try and update both of these. I do have a few kids on Tumblr who actually do follow my blog and look forward to me posting things, and I don't want to disappoint. (Most of them are teenage girls...and they're adorably emo)

That's right Blogger.. I could never leave you. Frankly, I prefer for Morgan Freeman to read my thoughts anyway.

Love,
Stephanie