Thus far 2010 has been pretty decent for me, true we're not even a month in, but I'm giving credit where credit is due. It seems that even when I think things are going to go awful, somehow they turn around, or I'm able to figure out a solution without it plaguing my mind and causing me to want to run a blade across my throat. I figure it should only go up from here....right? Nah, better not question it. Of course it will.
However, 2010 is having a rough start for my family. I feel like they can never catch a break, and it breaks my heart that I can't do anything to help them. My dad's truck (and their only vehicle) was repossessed in the middle of the night last night. He hasn't figured out what to do yet, he doesn't have the money to get it caught up, and he has no other mode of transportation. It hurts so much to see him try to hard to dig his family out of the hole they've been in for a couple years just to lose his grip and fall right back in.
I'm going to start applying for loans so that I can get myself out of debt quicker, and maybe once I do that I can pay them a little something for living here. Though, they probably won't take it. I feel like I should be doing something to help... just not sure what/how. I'm also pretty sure that I'm acting as the glue that is holding everyone together here, and I fear once I leave there won't be a bond any more. But I need to go out and be independent...very soon. Or I may go crazy.
In other news, I'm dropping out of school in March. I've found that the medical field is not really my calling. Everything is interesting and all, but I don't feel challenged and this college that I'm going to keeps getting more and more bogus. They raise our tuition and we never see any of that going towards the school, requirements to graduate keep changing as far as externships go and I can't afford to take any time off work without income let alone 2 months. I don't know how other girls are going to do it. I think I want to get into writing since that's where my passion lies. I don't write in here as often as I'd like to but I'm constantly thinking of phrases, and writing on bits of paper and composition books. We'll see where that goes.
I'm contemplating writing movie reviews on Flixster to hone my skills a little. We'll see if I actually follow through.
Also, it's official. I'm in a relationship again.
It's sort of weird getting to know someone again, and getting to that point where I'm thinking "I'm falling for this person..." I really didn't think I'd get there this quickly after breaking up with the love of my life. I've never had to do this kind of thing before, and it's all very new and I'm trying to take it for what it is. He's worth a shot definitely. I know no one will ever replace Joshua. He will always be the first, and he will always be that "one" to me, and I'll always love him, he will always hold a piece of my heart. I hope he is finding that with time things have gotten easier and he's moving on. I want so much for him to be happy and find peace. He really deserves it. I wonder if people are thinking that I moved on too fast? I think the relationship that I had was over before it ended. We had it on life-support for so long. That's why it's become such a welcome idea for me to go ahead and start to give my heart to someone else.
New love makes your heart beat a little different than the one before.
-Stephanie-
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