Turn The Page...

I never write in these things, I always say I will and then never do. What can I say? I have faults. I wanted to write tonight because I want to remember August 21st, 2009, not because it was an awesome, fun-filled, happiest day of my life but because it's the day the music died for me. As many of the people who are close to me know, and some who aren't so close to me, I've been in a very long-term relationship with the same man for a little over 7 years. We've been together so long, I can't really remember what life was like before him. He brought a lot of happiness into my life, and has taught me so many things about myself and so many other things. This man is most definitely my first love. We've been through things together, that most couples don't have to go through and most still don't survive. Our love was unlike any other, and so much stronger than I ever knew it could be. It really was the best of times, and the worst of times.
It ended today. I don't want to get into real details, but the people who know me and/or him will know the details. I could no longer see the future that I used to see, and I honestly believe I gave everything I could to try and make it work when the going really got tough. I feel like I've ripped out my own heart and ripped it to shreds and walked away from it leaving it laying in the dirt. I made sure he knew that I still love him, and will never stop. He is the one person I think will always be the love of my life. This is the hardest thing I've ever had to do, and the pain from it has been very real and tangible. I want to remember everything from the past 7 years, and I want to remember the pain I'm feeling now. I never want to lose anything about this time in my life.
I hope one day we can both be happy. I want him to be healthy, happy and at peace with his life and the things that have happened. I will never stop loving him. I wish things were different, and I know that this is what is right for me....but it still doesn't make it any easier to let go.

-Steph-