Spent most of the night wide awake. It happens. I overwhelm myself with possibility, good & bad. We have a new chapter that we're about to write; it just feels like the ink hasn't dried yet.
I've been ready to go for about a year. Ready to move on from this house. I had a rough summer internally. Wanting so much & just not being able to get there, struggling with not being enough. I want to move forward, but I want to be on my terms.
Every time I've moved (except the first time) has always been marred by the unexpected. Roommate/best-friend moving to a new state for work, unanticipated job loss, break up, impatience. I just wanted this one to be because we finally got something we worked for.
I am uneasy because my bubble was burst. My comfortability in the day to day, questioned. It's weird though, I'm not really worried we can't make it through. I'm just uneasy with the not knowing. I want to make the right decision, but there's no way if really knowing until you just do it.
But I will not make the first day of the new year, a day where I worry about the rest of the 364. It's all a fresh start & I'm going to just embrace it. I have the best teammate I could ever ask for & more support than I ever anticipated.
Today, let's just breathe.