Hi, welcome to my pity party. So glad you could make it!
Starting over isn't easy, and I can't really remember a time when I've had to really pick up the pieces and re-do everything around me. With all of this new beginning, it's made me incredibly insecure and confused. I suppose I'll get over it, but tonight is just another night of feeling weird in a weird time of my life.
I went to a friend of mine's annual end of summer party tonight. I was really excited for it all week; I've needed something to look forward to and something that would keep my mind away from everything going on in my life, the break-up, drowning in debt, living at home again at 26, semi-new job, and general quarter life crisis issues. But it didn't work, I started to try and have a good time and I realized how much I missed everything and while I hated parts of it at times, I miss the comfortability. I had intentions of getting intoxicated and spending the night but I had two drinks, wanted to cry, so I stopped and now I'm at home blogging about all the thoughts I had on the drive home.
All of my friends, in my opinion, are very beautiful people. I don't just say this because they're my friend, but they really are. Since, I'm already feeling down, my insecurities are up. I feel like I'm forgettable and that no one will ever really want me the way that he did. My friends aren't to blame for any of this, but I feel like I'm treated differently by people than they are. It's almost as if I'm that token sarcastic, chubby, smart, and bitchy friend they have that they need to give advice, and when I'm introduced to others it's kind of like.. "Meh.. hey." then it's forgotten and everyone moves on.
I guess this is most likely all in my head, but really what's memorable about me? I can't do anything cool like play the guitar, do a back-flip or have some important cool job. When people describe me to other people..what do they say?
I got fat this year, I got poorer and I got single. What a catch.
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