Ralph Waldo Emmerson (or BIG EAZY, as I like to call him) once wrote, "When it's dark enough, you can see the stars..." At least that's what I read on someone's Facebook status today (not the big eazy part I made that up) and I can totally appreciate that statement. Today was a weird day, I didn't feel like getting up at 6 to go take my little brother to school because, let's face it that gets old quick. So my grandpa wound up taking him and I slept and slept like I'd never slept before. Then I got a text message from an old co-worker that said, "They shut down Ohio" .
****A bit of background here: I was working for a home warranty company that was based out of Colorado and they had a small, small satellite office in Blue Ash, Ohio***
At first I thought she had to be kidding, but the more I thought about it the more it made sense. So, I got several verbal confirmations and I went to see them at Applebee's. Very strange. My ex-boss was there, and for a few months of my life I wanted to see this woman lose her job and be upset about it. But when I saw her today, I actually felt bad for wanting that. I shouldn't wish that on anyone. She told me that she didnt want to fire me, and that she was sad to see me go. That's really all I needed to hear, so that whole chapter of my life is closed now and I can attempt to learn from it and move forward. I wish all of them well.
Speaking of moving forward, I dropped off my last rent check today. This is the last month I can afford to pay without flushing my credit down the tubes. My lease isn't up until September, but I can't survive on what I'm making and pay rent. The only reason I have the money for this month is because I saved up all the unemployment checks I recieved, and didn't pay a single bill this month aside from my car payment. So all my credit card companies are calling and hassling me. Something had to be done. So I'm breaking my lease, I'm hoping by some devine miracle they can forgive these last 3 months. If not, they'll just have to wait for their money in installments. It's tough times people, tough times.
I guess I'm beginning to feel the winds of change. Or something. I have mixed feelings about everything. There are moments during the day when I feel great, like I could take on the world, like the strong black woman I am. Then there are moments of the day when I feel like all the wind has been knocked out of me and I can't seem to catch my breath. I have good friends and family that have been supportive, and the boyfriend is occasionally emotionally there for me. Most of the time though he's not even emotionally there for himself. I feel like I'm dating Eeyore from Winnie the Pooh. "Oh well, nobody cares." it's really not all that fun to talk to or be around, but especially in a time where I need laughter and smiles. I can easily forget the drama in my life if I can laugh or just be goofy with someone. That someone hasn't been him for a while... I keep finding these different facets of him. None of them have been the real guy in there...the guy that I met and fell in love with. One of them is angry, very angry. The other is very sad and mopey and harmful to himself. The other is very indifferent about everything. Then sometimes I catch a glimpse of the REAL deal. But as soon as I see it, he's gone.
These past few months have really had an affect on me, I've definitely learned alot about myself, and my family. My arms are strong enough to carry many a brick. I'm just hoping not too many more are added, I'd hate to be armless and looking for work.... I guess I could just be a professional kick ball player if that happened.
Until then....
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