I can't believe it's really only Wednesday. Well, it's about to be Thursday in about fifteen minutes, or roughly the time I get this blog completed. Regardless, it should be later in the week, like say.... FRIDAY?
I hope no cops read this because I'm about to confess an illegal activity:
I've been driving around with an expired license for 4 days.
So I've decided I'm going to go down on Friday, and take care of that. I feel like I can really only press my luck until payday. Seems only fair.
In exploring these new emotions I'm having recently, I've discovered that not only do I have a new perspective in which I'm seeing everything; I've also gained some new insecurities that I'm not proud of and that have proven kind of difficult to beat down. Don't get me wrong, I still feel great. It's as if everything I ever felt before has been enhanced some how. I guess even the air smells different. Like dead leaves really. But let's get poetic and metaphorical. We can say those dead leaves represent things I left behind, and pieces of a skin I finally shed completely. Yes, I'm now a snake.
I've discovered that I've got a pretty dark fear of being left behind, of being forgotten, of being ignored. Because of this, I continue to try and keep Dirty South within an arm's distance. Emotionally, anyway. He seems incredibly incredible. I'm pretty sure he thinks I'm awesomely awesome. He calls me "darlin", "pumpkin", "sweetheart", "baby", and the anatomically improbably but adorably endearing "bee's knees" all in this devilishly sexy southern accent. Damn you Rhett Butler. He's also smart, funny, strong, courageous, and with just a touch of vulnerability that draws me in like the soft glow of something shiny. Did I mention is so easy on the eyes that sometimes I just find myself staring at him and the teeniest bit of drool creeps out of the corner of my mouth? Because yeah...that happens. It's a fact. I'm a smitten kitten. But there's still that next level that is waiting to be unlocked. And I could fall.
I could fall really hard. I've learned that in order to fall, you have to be okay with skinning your knees, or possibly obtaining some sort of broken bone or brain injury. I've slowly moved from traction, to wheel chair, to crutches, to ace bandages, to band-aids. Now I've taken the band-aids off but there are certain areas that are still a bit scabby and I'm trying not to pick them even though it itches. When I take the next few steps in this journey, it's going to decide a few things:
1. "Seeing each other" will be kicked up a notch. Or to use a kitchen reference, the burner is going to be turned up on our kettle.
2. I'm going to get way more emotionally invested, which means living a fair distance away will suck even harder. I'll have to be ready for lonelier nights.
3. I'm ready to accept what lies ahead be it good, bad, ugly, awesome, terrible, stupid, what have you. That's kind of a big deal.
Perhaps I should wear a helmet?
---Naaaah. Nobody looks cool in a helmet.
I've only been 29 for 4 days, and I got to say (like I say every year) this will be my year.
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