Moving on is impossible without looking back, and completely unnecessary if you're not going anywhere. I think I finally understand what I need to do.
I was trying so hard to move ahead, and forget about what happened. I didn't give myself time to think, and feel this experience like I should have. I wanted to avoid the feelings of lonliness and emptiness by creating friendships with new people, where there was room for growth and evolution. But, I can't do that yet. It's not even been a month since I changed my life, and I need to get to know myself and what I want from my life before I start trying to bring new people into it. Oh well, lesson learned, much like everything else in this year.
I've discovered that I'm afraid of normalcy. For seven years all I've known is chaos and disaster, and now I'm not sure what to do with out it. I've found that I'm afraid of never feeling loved again, maybe not so much loved, but loved from the inside out. So I think I need to figure out what these feelings are all about.
Also, what is up with this Duggar lady? Now she's pregnant with number 19. I feel like at this point it's not for religion, it's merely for the tax write-off. Smart woman.
-Steph
No comments:
Post a Comment