I think I made a giant mistake in break-up etiquette. I re-opened the lines of communication. This is a bad idea and I know it is, and yet I continued to have conversation, albeit general and unimportant every day. I really don't believe he can be just friends with me. I will go back to the When Harry Met Sally argument:
Harry Burns: You realize of course that we could never be friends.
Sally Albright: Why not?
Harry Burns: What I'm saying is - and this is not a come-on in any way, shape or form - is that men and women can't be friends because the sex part always gets in the way.
Sally Albright: That's not true. I have a number of men friends and there is no sex involved.
Harry Burns: No you don't.
Sally Albright: Yes I do.
Harry Burns: No you don't.
Sally Albright: Yes I do.
Harry Burns: You only think you do.
Sally Albright: You say I'm having sex with these men without my knowledge?
Harry Burns: No, what I'm saying is they all WANT to have sex with you.
Sally Albright: They do not.
Harry Burns: Do too.
Sally Albright: They do not.
Harry Burns: Do too.
Sally Albright: How do you know?
Harry Burns: Because no man can be friends with a woman that he finds attractive. He always wants to have sex with her.
Sally Albright: So, you're saying that a man can be friends with a woman he finds unattractive?
Harry Burns: No. You pretty much want to nail 'em too.
Sally Albright: What if THEY don't want to have sex with YOU?
Harry Burns: Doesn't matter because the sex thing is already out there so the friendship is ultimately doomed and that is the end of the story.
Sally Albright: Well, I guess we're not going to be friends then.
Harry Burns: I guess not.
Which is exactly why this won't work. This will impede his getting over it and moving on to find someone better for him, and will again make me look terrible. I told him that this is a bad idea, and he pressed...as he does with EVERYTHING. And again, I gave in, not wanting to hurt him. I'm a sap. A stupid one. I have absolutely no romantic interest in him, and I would be just fine if he didn't text me or write about me, or think about me any more. But the fact of the matter is, he won't. He's trying to pretend it's cool, and he's cool... but he's not. I think he's ecstatic because I'm talking to him....and that's better than nothing. Especially when you want something. I said yesterday I wanted my life pest free... and I'm just adding to the noise here. I know exactly how he's feeling. I have lived it. It sucks, the difference is I cut off communication and still got stupid text messages about detergent after being gone from the house for a month. It was always gut wrenching to see that number pop up on my phone. It's still hard to see him comment on something after me on Facebook.
This also doesn't help my plight for soul-searching, does it? I've still got mess in the way.
***Communication terminated. onward and upward***
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